


Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity

by CaptainLaserBeam



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - The Fire Nation Won, Angst, Azula (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Azula has Issues, Crazy Azula (Avatar), Emotional Manipulation, Fire Nation (Avatar), Fire Nation Royal Family, Firelord Azula (Avatar), Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Instability, Mentioned Ozai (Avatar), Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, POV Original Character, Past Child Abuse, Post-Episode: s03e18-21 Sozin's Comet, Psychological Trauma, Sozin's Comet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:47:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26731618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainLaserBeam/pseuds/CaptainLaserBeam
Summary: The Fire Nation Royal Palace is empty.It's been empty since the comet.Since the Phoenix King declared himself the Emperor of the World and left to rule it, taking the military with him.Everyone knows that the new Firelord banished everyone who worked there. She heroically stayed behind, defeated her traitorous brother, and now lives quietly alone.Until an ad comes out seeking a very, VERY specific sort of applicant.'A non-firebending young woman, long black hair, golden eyes, pale complexion. Must have exceptional aim with sharp objects. Bonus if you generally remain unimpressed, or hate, nearly everything.'
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally part of a much larger story that I'm working on, but as soon as I i finished it, I realized it just didn't fit the narrative. Like, at all.  
> But I liked it and I didn't want to erase it, so it works as a kind of stand-alone. I hope no one minds if I share.
> 
> It's AU cannon divergent in that, after Azula becomes Firelord and banishes all of her staff, she stays Firelord. It doesn't really get specific as to what happened to anyone else. This is just some angsty angst for Azula after Daddy Dearest dumps her like the Father of the Year he'll never be.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Ukisa had been working at the Fire Nation Palace longer than anyone else that was currently employed there.

Ukisa had been working at the Fire Nation Palace for two months.

Her family had been desperate. When word had traveled about Firelord Ozai becoming Phoenix King Ozai, when the sky had gone red, and the military disappeared from the streets and shores, an unspoken fear began to stir in the heart of the Fire Nation.

They were not mighty.

Something was wrong with the firebenders, for one. There were rumors that it was an angry spirit, dancing across the sky to curse them with its power. Others that it was a comet, just a piece of space rock. Whatever it was, it made all of the firebender's inner core's too hot, and barely controllable. Houses were set on fire, children accidentally burnt their parents or themselves, so many mishap were happening because no one knew what was going on. No one had been told to take precautions.

Ukisa was not a firebender, but her brother was. He was six, and had just started learning to make a small flame. The second sun in the sky had scared him, just as it had many others, and he'd tried to light the lantern in his room, just as he'd been taught to. It was all in the breath, after all, a large breath, and a smooth release.

They'd lost their home.

She didn't blame him, it wasn't his fault. After it was over, everything went back to normal, like it had never happened. But Ukisa's family was now homeless, and news was spreading of a victory over the Earth Kingdom. Things seemed to be getting worse, rather than better, and something was going to need to be done.

The Fire Princess had become the new Firelord.

It felt strange, because the previous Firelord was still alive, but he had elevated himself as Emperor of a new world, one their country had been working to better (conquer) for near to a century, and the small voices that stood before the edict of a conqueror would get burned. So no one argued, it was just accepted as news.

Then word went out that Firelord Azula had dismissed her entire palace staff.

No, not just dismissed, _banished_.

No one could really explain why, they hadn't stuck around long enough to, and it seemed like a strange coincidence if every single one of them had been in league to assassinate her. Every chef, and guard, and manicurist, and gardener, and window washer, and floor scrubber, etc.

Firelord Azula had made no exceptions, she'd gotten rid of the lot of them in no uncertain terms, leaving her alone in the large, empty palace.

And for awhile, as far as anyone knew, she just.. stayed that way.

But royalty is nothing but predictable. They lived a certain lifestyle, with certain rules and certain needs. Comforts that are difficult to replicate on their own. It's not so much pandering as it is a class status, but if you're born into that system, you know few other ways to live.

A call went out for applicants.

By then, everyone knew what had happened to the previous employment. It wasn't exactly kept a secret, or if it was, it wasn't kept well. No one wanted to work there, but when things started to get bad, and then worse, the options became so limited that anything looked reasonable. Including the request for work at the palace.

Especially since it was very, _very_ specific.

Assuming that Firelord Azula was the only one there, she was looking for a non-firebending young woman, with long black hair, golden eyes, and a pale complexion. Must have exceptional aim with sharp objects. Bonus if she generally remained unimpressed, or hates, nearly everything.'

Well- Ukisa had the long black hair, sunflower yellow eyes, and pale skin. She wasn't so sure about the sharp objects, but she'd been known to throw an axe like no one's business. And it didn't seem like it would be all that hard to be sour and dull all the time. She'd lost basically everything in the fire that wasn't alive.

Her family had been completely freaked out at the idea, but they were living in a house with three other families, sleeping on hard floors and barely scraping by for food and clothing. It wasn't like the Firelord had executed any of the previous staff (she assumed...hoped), so the worst outcome could be rejection. A flat out no.

They were out of options anyway. Her brother was too young, and still healing from his burns, since he'd been closest to where the fire started. The poor child had been the fire, and everyone knew firebenders didn't burn easy. Ukisa's parents were working full time, and she had no schooling in which to elevate her station.

So she submitted herself as an applicant, and came to the palace on the allotted day. One of a fair few, all looking similarly, and Ukisa couldn't help but wonder why that was. They were also all wearing the same red robes, and she looked around helplessly until one of the other girl's pointed toward a table where stacks matching clothes were piled.

Even more confused, Ukisa took one to the washroom and changed, surprised at the quality. There had been at least ten more of the exact same robes, but they weren't threadbare or cheap. Ukisa had never owned such silks in her life, and she felt exotic, standing there in the Fire Nation Palace washroom, seeking employ as a servant, but dressed as a noble.

It was all incredibly surreal.

She stamped down her unease and returned to the sitting room with the other girls to await whatever she'd walked herself into. None of them were speaking, it was just that awkward.

Some of the interviews lasted for awhile. Some came running out almost immediately. They'd all stood in alarm as a scream had been followed by shattering glass, and incoherently angry yelling from the Firelord. No one could remember the girl who entered, or seen her leave.

One had run out sobbing hysterically, her robes burnt, and her hands clutched to her chest with red, raw skin. She'd bolted past and down the hallway, too distraught to stop, and no one knew what to do. If they should follow and help, if they would be punished for saying something, _anything_. If that was the world they lived in now.

Ukisa had felt sick, and stood to her feet with the immediate urge to leave right then and there, but her name was called as soon as she had. Of course it was. She reasoned that she'd come this far, and while the wailing girl with the burns had unsettled her, she had her family to think about. Her own little brother had suffered much worse.

Steeling herself, raising her chin and wiping her expression clean to look solely unimpressed, Ukisa stepped forward and entered the room that Firelord Azula had made her own.

It was an absolute mess.

No one had cleaned the room in a very long time. Litter was in every corner, torn paper, ripped pillows with feathers floating in corners and sticking to furniture. The Candle wax of nearly ever lantern had melted past use, leaving very little left to light, and puddled wax over intricately sewn tablecloths. Dust covered everything. The floor, the shelves, the tapestries, it was in the air and on every surface.

Firelord Azula was sideways in the over large chair behind an ornate desk. She was wearing the customary robes, but almost as an afterthought, thin bare legs dangling over the opposite arm of the chair and toenails painted in chipping splotches of red. It was completely inappropriate, near to scandalous, but who was going to say anything? The robes themselves were torn and rumpled, burned in various places, and didn't look they'd been cleaned for a long time. Ukisa entertained the fleeting thought that she probably slept in them.

Her hair was wild, and strangely asymmetrical. It also looked like she had a bit of a tangled nest behind her neck, but she was leaning her head back onto the arm of the chair, so it was hard to tell.

The Firelord looked... _drained_. Certainly not healthy, Ukisa wasn't sure how to describe it. She was spinning glowing blue fire between her hands like it was a child's toy, looking for all the world like she'd been born bored.

“Oh goody, here we go again. How many more of you could there possibly be? This was a terrible idea.”

Instead of answering immediately, Ukisa calmly took a few steps forward. With as little interest as she could muster, her eyes circled over the chaos of the room before she finally crossed her arms over her chest and shrugged.

“Y'know it's not too hard to just ask them all to leave. You _are_ the Firelord.”

The Firelord froze, and the blue ball dispersed into the air. She looked at Ukisa like she'd grown a second head, and for a terrifying second, Ukisa was afraid that she'd horribly misjudged everything.

But the description, the specifics, the _identical outfits;_ this was theater, it had to be.

“That's right, I am.” The Firelord smirked, and she sat up, kicking her feet off the side with an agile twist and crossing them in front of her. “But do tell, what else should I do?”

Ukisa had been in a play once, where there were no scripts. She'd been told that the point of it was creativity and spontaneity, that the circumstances created the better performance. Many of the other actors had stumbled, scrambling for what to say to move the scene forward, to make it interesting, but Ukisa had thrived. She'd loved it, and it was the only time she'd ever gotten to do anything like it.

Ukisa sighed, playing up her role. “Does it matter? You're going to do what you want no matter what I say.”

There was another awkward moment when no one breathed before the Firelord started ugly laughing, her head thrown back and her hands clawed into the armrests. It sounded one thin push away from sobbing.

Ukisa didn't break character, she couldn't afford to, this was probably a terrible idea, but she was deep in it now, and she wasn't going to be the girl running out with burned hands. The Firelord let the sound die like a wounded animal and she cleared her throat with harsh cough.

“Oh you are a trip, you are, did you know her? No, of course you didn't, you've never been near a noble in your life. Your hair looks like an boarquepine slept in it, we'll have to fix that.” The Firelord flapped one hand, letting her chin rest on the other, and Ukisa wondered if she had any idea how completely disheveled she was. How pale. How it looked like a stiff breeze might knock her over.

“But _I'm_ obviously not going to do it, so that means-” She trailed off, and Ukisa watched and waited as the Firelord's eyes slid just a little too far to the right. The moment lingered there, unfinished, like she'd been interrupted, and Ukisa dared to glance to where she was looking. There was nothing there but a dirty mirror.

She nearly leaped out of her skin when a fist pounded onto the top of the desk.

“NO!” The Firelord yelled, and it took a few years off of Ukisa's life before she realized that it wasn't her she was yelling at. “No! We agreed, only _one_! Only the one! How the hell am I supposed to-”

She cut off again, and it was like listening to half of a heated conversation.

“Ugh, go fuck yourself. _You_. Whatever your name is, what can you do?”

Ukisa glanced around herself again, suddenly unsure.

“Yes, you genius, and no, not the costume you're wearing, I mean you the _peasant_ , whatever just dragged itself in here for work, what can you actually do?” The Firelord had her amber eyes focused and narrowed on her this time, actually on her.

“I- oh, uh-” She cleared her throat, and she was herself. “I clean, Your Highness. Dust, sweep, wipe down, pick up, all of it.” Ukisa let her eyes flicker over the room with purpose, and the Firelord followed her gaze critically.

“Hmm.” She stood to her feet with a spirit-like elegance, but as soon as she was upright, the Firelord stumbled. She cursed, grabbing hold of the desk and catching herself before she could fall. With an angry cry, The Firelord stood, and suddenly that perfect balance was back like it had never left. It was bizarre to watch, like switches were being flipped on and off in her body against her will.

“So. You don't cook, or do hair, or wash clothes, or anything else that could be useful, you're a maid and you just clean floors”

Ukisa nodded. “Yes, ma'am.”

The Firelord stopped in front of her, and they were nearly the same height, the color of the robes that had been set out for Ukisa to wear were just a little darker red than her own. She was fairly sure she understood why she was wearing them.

“How's your aim, maid.”

Ukisa kept her face carefully neutral. “Coming here armed felt like a bad idea. Give me an ax and I'll show you.”

The Firelord's lips quirked, a fierce gleam in her eyes.

“Well _fine_ , I guess I'll settle for this, then. And I guess I'm going to have to get more of you if I ever want to eat something that isn't dry. This entire process is a nightmare, so you're helping me, understood?”

“Y-Yes ma'am.”

“You've obviously grasped the idea already, so no explanations are necessary. You will be in charge of cleaning the rooms I actually give a shit about, you'll know them when you see them. The rest of the palace you can clean if you want to, I don't really care. Don't ask me where supplies are, you're on your own.” The Firelord stopped walking, her face going slack. Ukisa stopped with her, but there was just...nothing. No sound, no movement, no blinking, she wasn't even sure if The Firelord was _breathing_.

Then she gasped, loudly, and Ukisa jumped, but the Firelord just continued walking and speaking as if nothing had happened.

“There will be money to pay you, and money to buy more supplies, do _not_ confuse them, because I _will_ know. I will also tell you when and if to be in character and when to drop it, if you do so without me telling you to, if you speak to me casually when I haven't given you permission, I'll burn a hole through your thigh big enough to fit my hand through. That sound reasonable to you?”

Ukisa swallowed, but it was difficult. The air felt thick with tension, and confusion, but truly, she'd made her decision before she'd walked into the room.

“Yes ma'am.”

“Lovely! Now for the second ad, we're going to need someone bendy who can cook. Bonus if they can fight. Shall we?”

~*~

After two weeks, the Firelord's strange little tick's were off and on, and they'd expanded to three employees.

Ze had come next, and while it had taken her longer to grasp the point of the stage acting, she'd caught on quickly after that. The interviews Ukisa had attended had gone similarly to her own, but with a different set of clothing and a very different personality request. The high skill level in acrobatics required wasn't something Ukisa felt the Firelord was going to find, not if she was also looking for someone who could make her meals for her.

Ze was accepted as the bare minimum, since she could cartwheel.

Ukisa thought this was good news, but after the interviews, the Firelord went into a rage. Her quirks flared up, she screamed at no one, and neither of her two staff members understood what was happening. It was like a storm; something that required shelter, safety and planning, and you could no more stop it from coming than you could end it. The storm needed to blow through.

Ukisa and Ze went to work, each diligently starting where their previous staff had left, which was basically in the middle of whatever they'd been doing months ago. Not every room was a battleground, but most were dusty, and Ze had to clean up a _lot_ of rotten food and replace a great deal of their storage.

Neither of the women thought much of their theatrical roles with the Firelord unless she called for them. They rarely saw her otherwise, but oh, could they hear her.

The wails were loud and long, angry and bitter, lonely and desperate. Like the palace was haunted. Whatever it was that tormented their Firelord, it wasn't something that anyone else could see. Asking her if she needed anything she hadn't asked for (like help) always ended the same way. She'd either force them into character, or she'd dismiss them from the room entirely.

The third employee didn't have an interview process. Ukisa was incredibly grateful for this when she saw him and realized why he was there.

When Rasu started working, a few things changed. He was tall and slender, black hair pulled into a traditional top knot. A strong firebender, in good shape, who had a sweet and sensitive personality, someone who should have been far away from Fire Nation royalty.

Rasu was also the most amazing stylist Ukisa had ever seen. He'd nearly wept at the poor state of the Firelord's hair, and although she'd been twitchy and had a slightly murderous look in her eye, she allowed Rasu to escort her (and Ukisa) to the royal hair salon and give her the complete spa treatment.

He'd pampered and preened and gently taken care of the knots and uneven shearing, all while speaking to the Firelord like she was a gift to humankind. Ukisa had fought to keep her face neutral through most of it, but Rasu's joy was infectious, and he was good at his job.

The Firelord, however, had spent the entire experience quietly staring at him. At one point, she'd even reached a hand up and covered the left side of his face with her palm.

It had been a horribly tense moment, and Ukisa had held her breath.

Nothing happened. Rasu had even smiled and gently taken her hand to check her fingernails, cooing over the abused cuticles and promising her further treatment. He'd gotten no argument, and she didn't touch his face again.

“You don't actually like this guy, do you? I don't even think firepuppies get that adorably happy.” Ukisa grumbled, faking a glare at the sweet boy, looking completely unimpressed and praying to Agni himself that he made it out of there in one piece.

The Firelord snorted. “Please, he's hardly my type, I honestly doubt he is _any_ woman's type, and I do not share my toys.” She grinned, and it looked wolfish. Her hair was shorter, to even out the strange cut she'd had, but she looked far more like the Princess she'd used to be than the mess that Ukisa had seen on her first day. “Let him play with yours, I want to see that hay bale you call hair looking like it's supposed to.” She commanded, and Ukisa shrugged.

“Whatever.”

It was the first time Ukisa had ever had anyone else do her hair, and it was beautiful. She'd looked at Rasu afterwards, barely keeping the tears from her eyes, and he'd given her a knowing smile, tapping a finger to the side of his nose.

“Don't get too comfortable Zuzu, Lee is next. Then we're gonna go spar. It has been far too long.” The Firelord lit a small, blue flame on the tips of her fingers, and while it didn't really register at the time, Ukisa should have known it was coming. The name Rasu sounded a lot like it had a 'Zu' in it, she hadn't made the connection at all, but after Ze had her hair done up in a long braid, and left to get started on their evening meal, the three of them walked through the empty palace to one of the training grounds.

The Firelord began to wrap her wrists in fireproof tape. Ukisa pointed out more of it to Rasu, who stared at it wide eyed like he hadn't quite realized yet what was happening.

“Am I going to have to watch this, or do I get to have better things to do?” Ukisa piped up, looking bored. If this was an execution, she didn't want to see it.

“Can you fight?” The Firelord pressed, lilting an eyebrow. “Or is cleaning truly your greatest passion.”

Ukisa weighed the merits of her answer, catching Rasu out of the corner of her eye as he shakily wrapped his wrists and and feet.

“Depends on what I'm fighting. I don't blow fire, if that's what you're looking for.”

The Firelord waved her toward the stands, and it was like Ukisa had been branded a witness to whatever was about to occur. She then pointed at Rasu.

“You. You firebend, right?”

Rasu looked like an owlcat, his amber eyes comically wide. Gone was the easy smile and the joyful sparkle in his eyes.

“I- I do ma'am, but nowhere near as well as-”

“Of course you don't. No one can fight as well as I do. Least of all _him_. You'll be perfect. Now stand over there, throw fire at me, and pretend like you're terrified.” The Firelord drawled, sauntering across the enormous field like she'd done this every day her entire life.

Ukisa knew what was coming, but it didn't make it any easier. When she was far enough away, Rasu got as close to her as he could without looking suspicious, doing a picture perfect job at looking terrified.

“W-what is this? Why am I fighting the Prodigy Princess? She'll kill me! I-I just thought I was here for her hair!”

“You're here for both.” Ukisa hissed, trying not to look like she was talking The Firelord was taking a few practice shots of blue flame at fireproof dummies that were sent flying. “She's not going to kill you, you're filling two jobs right now, believe me, I know it's crazy, but if you decide you want to get the hell out after this, I suggest you leave the Fire Nation.”

“ _Two_ jobs? Leave the Fire Nation!?”

“Mai! Move your ass before I set it on fire!” The Firelord's voice called, half playful, half threatening. Ukisa waved a hand at her like she was being dismissive.

“I can't fight her, she's the Firelord!” Rasu whispered loudly, nearly grabbing Ukisa's robes, but she only lingered long enough to reach forward and pretend like she was fixing his arm wraps.

“Rasu, listen to me. Listen. Had you ever seen the Crowned Prince? Maybe before his banishment? Or- or when he came back briefly before the eclipse? The boy with the large burn on half of his face?”

Rasu was breathing heavily as he nodded, and his hands were too warm. His panic was creating heat already, and Ukisa hoped this would help him.

“I don't know if you realize it or not, but you look similarly. Same build, same hair. She's not just looking for servants here, she- she's looking for-”

Ukisa couldn't finish it, and she didn't need to. Understanding had dawned enough that the terror on his face had transformed to bemused horror. He choked on whatever he could have said, but their time was up.

“You don't have to beat her, she won't let you anyway.” Ukisa said hurriedly. “Just defend yourself! Do _not_ hold back!”

Ukisa spun on her heel and marched toward the stands, looking as uninterested as she possibly could and waving a few fingers toward the Firelord without looking at her. She'd done what she could.

The fight went about as well as one could expect from a dictator's mad prodigy of a daughter versus a stylist who had never fought more than a few targets in his backyard. The blue flames had lit up half of the battle yard, sending Rasu flying before he'd found his footing, but he didn't stay down. While it was obvious his self preservation was warring with the common sense that would keep from fighting back, there really were no other options for him.

Rasu had every reason to be terrified. If she decided she wanted to end this formally, who was going to stop her? Who would hold her accountable for it? No one stood above her but her father.

Ukisa watched everything with her hands over her mouth, trying not to be sick every time those blue flames struck skin. Rasu didn't yell half as much as she would have, but he wasn't quiet, and by the time it was over, the smiling boy who'd walked into the palace was far less cheerful.

The Firelord looked ecstatic, better than she had in days.

“Well, now _that_ was refreshing. Nothing like a warm up to get the fire moving in your veins.” She purred.

Rasu's chest was heaving, his skin pouring with sweat, and the poor boy looking harried and exhausted. The Firelord turned to him like they were old friends who'd just had a friendly chat, a grin on her face and mirth in her eyes.

“Really Zuzu, you're more out of practice than ever. I trust you'll be sticking around this time now that you've learned your lesson? I did kind of miss you.”

And there it was.

Ukisa thought she had imagined it, but there, it was the same look she'd had when Ukisa had fit the demographic she'd been looking for.

The same look she'd had when Ze had smiled at her and asked what she'd like for dinner.

And now, there it was again. The Firelord was basically forcing Rasu to fight her, it was the unfair advantage of authority, but as herself, as _Azula_ , it was a backwards, child-like attempt at earning acceptance from people that were obviously not around anymore.

She was looking at them in desperation.

Rasu may have noticed, or he may just have been an empathetic person. He fought, and held his own better than Ukisa had expected, but there was no doubt in anyone's mind that the Firelord hadn't even come close to her true talent.

It spoke wordlessly of the rock bottom she must truly be feeling that her firebending had been held back at all.

“I-” Rasu paused to catch his breath afterwards, remembering himself as he straightened his spine and bowed to his Firelord. “I am a little rusty. You- you'll have to teach me some of those new tricks, so I can catch up.” He said, swallowing hard. “That is- when I'm not busy doing her majesty's hair. Some thing's take precedence.”

The Firelord had glanced between them, the slightest hint of vulnerability, before she flashed that eerie half smirk, the one that felt like a sweet threat.

“First let's talk about those makeup skills.”

And that was how she'd made a family.

But not really.

Because every single one of them knew that as soon as they displeased, disappointed, or broke her heart in any way, they would be discarded. This was a giant toy box with a child Firelord playing house.

As far as Ukisa could tell, Azula's father had left her nothing but the title. No advisors, no emissaries, no generals, and there were no messenger hawks flying in to keep her updated on what she should be doing. It was like sticking a tiara on a toddler and proclaiming her queen, then leaving the room and shutting the door.

When she saw Rasu with a dark red/brown smear over half of his face, Ukisa thought the worst, but he'd assured her that the Firelord had agreed he could use face paint.

'Agreed' meant there had been another option.

~*~

The Firelord screamed at every mirror.

Something haunted her, and it was around every corner and in every shadow. Sometimes she'd speak to it the way that some people would speak their thoughts out loud. It was nearly always with anger or grief, and while her physical tics weren't as bad, her mental stability was still questionable. Ukisa tried to believe that the Firelord was just stressed, but as time went on, it was growing steadily worse.

“NO! I HAVEN'T!”

The yell echoed through the empty palace walls, like everything did, and while it was cavernous, and had a tendency to project things louder than they actually were, the Firelord sounded considerably more troubled than usual.

Ukisa rushed to the unfamiliar door, unsure if she was meant to be her friend or her maid. It was always a toss up when she wasn't summoned, a gamble that landed on her own shoulders. Ze never wanted to face her when she was pissed off, and Rasu wanted nothing to do with any tantrum when he was the only one who sparred with her on a regular basis. Ukisa was the only one left, if anything should be done at all.

“ _Fuck you!_ I've done everything he asked of me, I did all of it! Not Zuko, not his generals or that useless fucking comet, I did! If he'd wanted it done, he should have _taken me with him!_ ” She screeched, and something crashed against the door, shattering loudly, like porcelain. “IT WAS MY IDEA!”

Ukisa bit her lip. It wasn't the first time she'd heard something like this, and it didn't take a genius to figure out who she was angry with. To speak of it was treason, so she wouldn't be very much help to her Firelord. Ukisa didn't really hold any kind of emotional loyalty here, it was a _job_ , to a crazy person, who'd outright threatened her if she dared to take a step out of line.

No matter what Ukisa did, how she was treated, how close they ever became, there would always be an unfair advantage of power. Even if she wanted to, they could never be friends.

Ukisa didn't want to be friends.

But she was a human being who was listening to a distraught young girl, and damn her family for raising her to care for other people's feelings. That was not _people_ in there. That was _royalty_.

Ukisa rapped her knuckles on the door.

“Ma'am?” She cleared her throat, unused to sounding like herself. “Your Majesty, are you alright?”

There was a crashing sound, then some clattering, like things were being kicked around, then finally silence. Ukisa stood still for a few seconds to see if the door would open, or if she'd be told to leave, but when neither happened, she swallowed her heart down and entered the room.

The mess reminded her of the first few days she'd been in the palace, but it was an unfamiliar bedroom instead of an office. The bed had been stripped of it's sheets, and someone had slit the mattress to shreds. There were feathers everywhere, a few still floating in the air, and an overturned, ornate wooden chair had one of the legs on fire.

Ukisa was used to these kind of messes, although they'd lessened in their violence, that wasn't really concerning to her. This was probably a room the Firelord would never enter again.

It was the mirrors that caught her attention.

There were six of them, and five out of the six had impact points like they'd been punched. Shattered glass fragments littering the expensive carpeting on the floor. Blood was smeared across them all.

“She- she wouldn't stop asking. I told her to stop asking, but she wouldn't stop asking.”

Ukisa slowly turned, fast movements would be unwise, and found the Firelord sitting in the corner of the room looking like a small, fifteen year old girl with bleeding hands and tear stained eyes. Ukisa approached her slowly, the soft pads of her work shoes crunching on glass and broken fragments of wood. There were charred fire marks basically everywhere.

“I hate when she does this, I hate it, it's _rude_. If she wants to know what He's doing so badly, she can go find Him herself. She needs to _stop asking_.”

The Firelord wasn't looking at Ukisa, and that was fine, the less she focused on her, the better. She knelt slowly beside the teenager and reached into the front of her apron, pulling a clean rag from her pocket. She reached forward and gently touched the Firelord's hand, who jolted as soon as she did, turning to look at Ukisa like she hadn't noticed until that moment that someone else was in the room.

“You're bleeding, ma'am.” Ukisa said quickly before the bomb could explode, holding up the clean cloth and pointing at the cuts.

The Firelord squinted at her, fury passing over her expression for a breathless moment before it drained away. She was exhausted; the purple hollows beneath her eyes more obvious up close.

“Then fix it already.” She snapped with a tired resignation, and raised both hands to rest them on her knees.

Ukisa wasn't going to argue, she gently turned one of the Firelord's wrists and dabbed at her palm, wincing in sympathy at the sluggish bleed. There was a glass of water on the bedside table, which she leaned up to grab, soaking an edge of the cloth before returning to her chore.

The Firelord stared at the single unbroken mirror the entire time, her focus going in and out of lucidity while she mumbled. Every so often Ukisa would catch some of it, but it was never directed at her. When she pulled the little shards of glass from the Firelord's skin, she didn't even flinch.

It was a heartbreaking image, but not something Ukisa wanted to lose sleep over. She left a few times for supplies, and the Firelord never moved, not until she was finished wrapping her hands and securing them with clean bandages. Ukisa wasn't a physician, but she had a little brother who liked to climb, and a father who worked in a factory. Fire Nation citizens knew how to manage scrapes and burns.

The last time she came back it was with food, the Firelord was still in the corner, but the sixth mirror in the room had disappeared.

~*~

The worst finally came when a surprise call was sent out for another employee.

It was also incredibly specific.

A male firebender, middle aged, forties, commanding, tall, long black hair, used to ordering people around, enjoys the sound of his own voice. _Absolutely must_ be able to wash clothing, bed sheets, towels and fold laundry.

Ukisa felt sick as soon as she saw it.

She had grown close to Ze, and while the Firelord didn't really call them by their names (she wasn't even sure if she knew their real names), it was strange to think that their counterparts were also good friends. She would never have known Ze if it wasn't for this strange theater she had become a part of.

Rasu wasn't as sweet as he'd once been, she'd hardened him, and while his firebending skills had grown tremendously, he didn't smile as easily as he once had.

“To the training ground Zuzu! Before I light your breakfast on fire.”

“Don't call me that!”

“Oops, did it anyway.”

Ukisa wasn't sure if it was creepy or like an actual brother-sister relationship, since her own brother was so much younger than she was. How his personality compared at all to the way Rasu interacted with the Firelord, Ukisa didn't know what to think. She'd directed him a lot on what to say, how to act, molded him to her liking, and because of that, he'd snapped at her more than once without realizing it.

It was a slippery slope.

But this new thing, the new ad, _this_ was dangerous.

Ze brought it to her, a looking pale, and after Ukisa read it, she understood why. It was an awful idea. Even if the Firelord found someone at all close to what she was looking for, he'd still be a false king, and living in the _palace_. Would she put him in the king's clothing? She'd shoved Rasu into Prince Zuko's old clothes, there were plenty of them lying around. An entire seasonal wardrobe, actually, for every member of the royal family.

They had no way of talking her out of it, even as their theater selves, there was nothing they could say that would plant enough of a seed of disapproval. She had obviously been the decision maker in her circle of friends, so even if they'd offered their opinions, she'd overruled them.

It was a command from the Firelord.

It was treasonous.

It happened anyway.

There were actually _a lot_ of stupid bastards who showed up to try out.

The day of the interviews, when it was over, smelled like burnt wood, ash, and man sweat. Ukisa would never get the images out of her head, _that many_ forty-something year old firebender's, terrified to tears, and begging a fifteen year old for mercy...but that was her life now.

Especially since she'd been expected to be plain faced and staring for the entire thing, like the flat side of a stone. Uninterested, unsympathetic, judgmental. (Truthfully, Ukisa was most of those things. None of those men needed to come there. No one had forced them. They all knew what that was).

It all came down to one, and the only reason that happened, was because of his prior experience as the Firelord. Something bizarre and completely unexpected.

Shim had apparently worked for the Ember Island Players for years, a professional theater troupe where he'd played Firelord Ozai in 'The Boy in the Iceberg', and while they'd had a popular run recently with 'The Razing of The Earth Kingdom', he'd had a falling out with the writer for...creative differences.

He was also a very skilled launderer, playing the Firelord was his _hobby_.

Shim had the look down near perfect, although the makeup was a bit much since it was usually on a stage, and he'd been told by the Firelord, in no uncertain terms, that it was coming off. He was also ridiculously, over the top, dramatic. Ukisa loved that about him, it made the entire situation far more bearable.

Still, Ukisa was waiting tensely every moment for the other shoe to drop.

The first time Shim got into character, he went egregiously furious at some slight inconvenience. They'd all froze. He'd just- gone for it- full ostrich horse, yelling about disrespect, slamming his hand down on the table and everything, with a few flames flickering out harmlessly for effect. No one did anything, even the Firelord, until Shim sweat it out long enough to break character, and point out humbly that the Phoenix King took his tea with lemon every single morning, and Ze had failed to do this.

The Firelord had stared at him with wide, unreadable eyes, but before Ukisa could even think about where they were going to be putting Shim's body, she'd snorted, loudly, covering her face with her hands and near to buckling with giggles.

They'd _never_ seen this, any of them. None of the current servants had been working there long, but even so, their Firelord was a manic depressed, hallucinating teenager, who casually threatened to kill them. When she laughed, it was menacingly, and usually after scaring someone, it wasn't- _giggling_.

But it was such an infectious sound, and despite Shim's embarrassed look, before long, they were all laughing.

Ukisa recognized how dangerous this was, but she allowed herself to have it. One moment of pretending like this was actually the doll house that the Firelord wanted it to be.

_Just one moment._

~*~

In the practice fields, the Firelord wanted Shim to call her by her name and not her title. It made everyone uncomfortable.

Rasu had found ways of skirting around that issue, cleverly diverting conversations or yelling something else. But she outright told Shim that he was to refer to her as Azula, and tell her when she was doing something wrong.

Shim didn't know when to tell her this.

“I'm _always_ doing something wrong, that's how father's work, didn't you know that? Everyone knows that. Everyone with a father, anyway. Did you _have_ a father?”

“I- yes, ma'am, but he passed away a long time ago. I don't have any children, I don't know how to-”

“Ugghh” The Firelord rolled her eyes. “Look, it's simple. I do my best, you tell me I'm not good enough.”

“Why would I-”

“ _Because that's how it's done!”_

Blue flames lit up the ground around the Firelord's feet in a circle around her, giving the girl a ghoulish look in the muted glow. She breathed harshly, frustrated, and Ukisa could feel the 'bad idea' vibes coming back to her again. Shim looked lost, torn between the character and the servant to royalty.

“Fine. Fine! If you won't yell at me, then yell at him.” She pointed at Rasu, who's eyes widened, dark makeup smeared across the left side of his face.

“I-” Shim glanced at Rasu, who shrugged. “Alright, alright, I- I can do that.” He sounded so different when he wasn't in character, it was so strange. Ukisa could see the rock that was balanced precariously on the hill of this situation, and it was about to be pushed.

“Basic katas, _brother_. Let's see if you can keep up.” It was strange how hostile she'd become towards Rasu, ever since she'd hired Shim.

They began, but it thankfully wasn't anything new, The Firelord and Rasu had been drilling these for weeks now. As soon as Rasu got the hang of them, he'd worked hard to catch up, sometimes to the point of infuriating the Firelord and forcing himself to back down for the sake of self preservation. None of them doubted her skill, in any way, but she wasn't exactly in the best situation for mental stability.

Eventually, Rasu made his first mistake.

“Failure will not be tolerated, my son!” Shim announced, dramatically. “Repeat the exercise until it is flawless!” Rasu gave him a mock bow, to give him a full one was acknowledging him as the King, and no one wanted to do that.

The Firelord watched over the routine, but didn't quite look satisfied, even after Rasu spent twenty minutes getting it right. “You continue to _disappoint_ , when your sister has committed herself. See as she performs flawlessly!”

Shim was gesticulating in his usually dramatic flare, both arms moving to the Firelord in an attempt to flatter her. Her eyes narrowed at him, but she performed the kata perfectly, turning away from the both of them afterwards like she wanted to be as far from their compliments as she could get. Ukisa could feel the tension growing, her bottom lip stinging as she chewed on it, so she started chewing on her fingernails.

They switched to one on one.

Shim had sat back to observe the fight in stone silence, somehow deciding that this was the preferred watching style of the Phoenix King, and Ukisa assumed he'd know. He was a professional, after all. The longer that the match went on, the more off-balanced the Firelord was becoming.

It was strange; she was usually so sharp, so completely in tune to everything that was happening in a battle, seeing her off her game was...unsettling.

And it wasn't even a mystery to what was distracting her. In fact, she made it incredibly obvious.

The Firelord was looking at Shim _constantly_ , every single move she made, every move that Rasu made, she looked to see if he'd twitched at all. It was like she was starved for any kind of attention or reaction, because the looks she was throwing were pleading for something, _anything_ , for her to read.

It didn't take too much longer before Rasu got a good hit in, the Firelord was just too distracted, it was inevitable.

She took the hit and went flying, slamming into the grass hard before she could stop herself, and rolling inelegantly with the force of the fireball. It singed her clothes, burning a sleeve, maybe some skin, but it was hard to tell from where Ukisa was sitting. She and Shim had stood to their feet instantly. Rasu had frozen solid, crouched in his attack and looking like he was in the wrong end of a firing squad.

Time was too slow. Or maybe it just felt that way. The Firelord seemed to take her time pulling herself to her feet and dusting off the dirt and grass. Her hair was disheveled, she had a grass stain on one cheek, and her clothes-

The Firelord turned towards the stands, eyeballing Shim, who's hands were up in concern, but otherwise hadn't said anything. She narrowed her eyes at him and closed the distance, near to stalking, with a slight limp.

“Well? _Say it_ , then.”

Ukisa was trying to breath calmly, but it was difficult. Shim stuttered.

“I-I, uh, A-are you- Are you harmed Your Maj-”

“NO! He'd nev- You'd _never_ \- TELL ME...” The Firelord breathed noisily in through her nose, visibly shaking. “Tell me what I did wrong. _NOW_.” There was fire in her words, in her eyes and in her hands. If Ukisa had ever wondered before how much the children of Ozai could be spoiled in their gilded cage of privilege, it had been replaced with the bewildering hindsight of how much they'd actually been abused.

She could not feel sympathy here. She couldn't afford to. This girl could and _would_ kill her, it was Ukisa's job to clean floors and empty trash cans, not mop up a teenager's mental instability.

Shim looked so pale and uncomfortable, Ukisa wondered if he might pass out. Which would certainly be out of character.

“You- your highness, I-” He cleared his throat, gazing around him at the only two other people in the enormous arena and finding absolutely nothing for help. Shim's shoulders visibly dropped before he forced himself taller, his chin angled higher. “Y-you were- were _distracted_ , y-young lady!”

Ukisa wanted to hate how he used his theater voice of highs and lows, but it was really all he knew how to project. Only the Phoenix King himself could be the Phoenix King, the rock was rolling downhill.

The Firelord gave him a withering look.

“A-and your, your focus was not where it _should_ have been in this fight! _Try it again!_ ” Shim lifted his arms like he was declaring the setting of the sun, then sat himself back down with a flourish, leaning a chin on his fist in careful contemplation. It was so completely over staged, but Ukisa couldn't hold that against him, it was what he was there for.

Dutifully, Rasu was waiting to begin, looking like he was begging silently for the last twenty minutes of his life to be forgotten. The Firelord approached him like a predator, her hands open but clawed in front of her and a smirk on her face that made her look cold. She hadn't been what could be considered 'friendly' with Rasu, but whenever she was pretending he was her brother, she was fairly protective of him. She'd call him names while she was giving him food. Flick him in the forehead while she checked him over for injuries. Ukisa had seen it, it was there and it was real.

But as soon as Shim was there, whatever feeling the Firelord may have had for her fake brother was stomped flat. Like it was something she wasn't allowed anymore.

The match began, and then after a few seconds, it ended.

Neither Shim or Ukisa were looking at the Firelord as she skipped toward them, their eyes on Rasu, who was thirty feet from where he'd been, and not moving.

“How was that, Father?” She cooed, sounding horribly saccharine and not at all herself. “Is that enough of a do-over, or would you like some more? Maybe a round or two with the old man might boost my confidence, you wanna give it a go?”

Ukisa was moving across the field, her eyes on Rasu and a hundred possibilities already rushing through her head. She'd filtered through everything else around her, but before she could get any further, a hand reached out and snatched her arm.

The Firelord pulled her up near nose to nose, and Ukisa gasped. They'd never been this close. Her amber eyes were flecked with gold. She had a faint scar across her cheek.

“Where's your loyalty, Mai? Is my brother worth more than me? Will you _leave me_ for him?”

The terror that had frozen her in place was suddenly anger, and Ukisa shook her arm from the Firelord's grasp, all common sense suddenly thrown out a window.

“I'm _not_ Mai. _That's_ not your father! Rasu is not your brother, and he needs _help!_ So I am going to help him, and when I'm done, I will come back and keep cleaning your floors, because that is my _job_. Excuse me, Your Majesty.”

Ukisa may as well have slapped her.

She couldn't take it back, the damage was done, so she moved away and ran towards Rasu. His clothes were singed terribly, but thankfully firebenders didn't burn easily, so the damage was not as awful as it could have been. The fireball he'd been hit with had sent his head straight into the ground and knocked him out, so there was a reasonably sized cut oozing blood and a bump under his hair. Ukisa dug into her apron for the bandages she always seemed to be carrying around nowadays, pressing down on the cut and seeing Rasu's eyes flutter in response.

He was okay.

The Firelord was probably going to execute her, but Rasu was okay.

She wiped her cheeks, trying with difficulty to compose herself as the adrenaline began to crash, and reality was settling in on her shoulders. Ukisa had yelled at the Firelord.

She'd scolded the Firelord.

 _Scolded_. Like a child. They weren't all that different in age, she was only a few years older, and Ukisa had spoken of the thing she wasn't supposed to speak of, against her Firelord's wishes, and scolded her for it. She was completely fucked.

By the time Rasu was sitting up, holding his forehead in his hands, Ukisa dared to take her first glance behind her. Shim was down from the stands, watching them, the fake crown in his hands, but he was the only one there. The Firelord had left.

~*~

Ukisa treated Rasu and sent him home, told him to see a physician and wait a few days to come back (if he came back at all. She hoped he wouldn't).

Shim told her that the only thing the Firelord had told him before she'd left was to remove his crown. It hadn't been yelled, it was just something she'd said.

There were no more fancy outfits, no more theater requests, no more fake names and family dinners.

Occasionally, they'd see the Firelord walking around, or hear her talking to no one. She would still have her tantrums, still see the ghosts in the mirrors that would make her scream and cry at night, but she didn't ask for any of them anymore.

Ukisa never changed into the silk outfit again, her apron a permanent fixture, her hair under a shawl as she worked to keep things clean for a palace with no visitors. Ze had been practicing how to do a handstand, but didn't get to show the Firelord, so she showed it to Shim and Ukisa instead.

Without the costume, Shim was just a middle-aged man who did laundry; long hair pulled up in a topknot, his hands rough from chemicals, his face smooth from years of makeup. He had easy smiles and could sing nearly every song from the last ten years of Fire Nation musical theater.

Rasu was there once a week for hair treatment and manicures, he didn't speak to anyone.

The royal family that Firelord Azula had attempted to make for herself had been destroyed. Fake brother and sister no longer spoke, imitation father and daughter refused to see each other, imaginary friends avoided interacting with more than just the two of them.

Ukisa took out the trash, and didn't feel sorry for her.

~*~

**Author's Note:**

> The dude who oversells Firelord Ozai in the Ember Island players is my favorite actor in that play and you can't convince me otherwise. The moxy it takes to be a super dramatic queen, in your own nation, playing your own psychotic ruler; he's so great.


End file.
